Overcome that im your temptation

Never Again

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 23:16:36 GMT

Grandma's Birthday is coming up next monday...

It makes me sad =(

Clearwater March 2007

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 01:38:08 GMT

So this weekend I got off work early and made my way to Clearwater. I had a blast and can’t wait to go back in a few days. I took several photos of my adventures while I had some down time. Lets begin…

I left Jacksonville around 3:30pm. This allowed me to get down there much earlier than I normally do. The only real bad part about my drive down there was getting stuck in traffic in Orlando for over an hour. I was going crazy. Once I got past the traffic it was clear sailing all the way to Clearwater. The most wonderful thing happened while I was driving over the Howard Franklin Bridge. I saw a sunset over the ocean for the first time in 10 years. The last time I saw a sunset over the water I was living in Hawaii. It was so beautiful.

I wish the photos would have shown more color, but it was on a camera phone and I was traveling at high speeds. The entire sky was pink, orange, yellow, and blue. I was in heaven.

Once I got over the bridge I had to find my motel. It was a cute little place.

Now most of you know I'm spoiled when it comes to hotels. I was a little nervous at first, but it was rather charming. Also it was in the perfect spot for my reasons for my trip in the first place.
When I checked in they gave me a key to my room, a real key! Not a piece of plastic you have to slide. Then I realized that the door was already unlocked and I really didn’t need a key anyways. I thought it was kind of funny. They also asked me if I wanted to pay extra to turn the phone on in my room, strange I though but declined. Then they gave me the remote to my TV… Again, strange, but whatever.

After I unpacked I just hung around for a little while and tried to meet up with a friend. I eventually got to see them and it was so wonderful. My entire trip was all worth it just for those 45 minutes. It was amazing. I can’t wait to see them again. I then realized that I needed to set my alarm and put up a do not disturb sign for the morning. The first thing that I noticed was that there was no do not disturb sign, so I had to make my own. I had brought a pack of Muffins with me and had to tear apart the box to make my sign since I didn’t have any paper in the room. Then I realized I didn’t have any tape to hang it so I had to get creative.

Then I realized that there was no clock in that room, thank goodness I had my phone.

The next day I woke up early since I had plans with a friend during the day. Due to events out of our control we didn’t get to hang out. This is where my dilemma came in. I had no idea what I was going to do down there. I decided to find the beach, and I'm so glad I did. It was soooo beautiful and so close.

The burly birds!!!!

My favorite photo taken from the beach…

Me just hanging out…

After the beach I went to the Pool and talked to Cassie on the Phone for over 4 hours lol… I would have been so bored if she hadn’t kept me company hehehe.

Around 9 I went to a bar to get something to eat. Luckily I knew of a place where they have live music every Friday and Saturday night. So went… but I ended up going alone. It was so weird because I had never gone out to eat by myself before. It was very lonely, but I guess everyone has to do it at some point. The music was great, but I wasn’t in the mood for blues, especially feeling a little sad. But it was still very nice.

I left the bar around 11 and then went to bed after finishing a bottle of red wine. I had to get up early to get ready for work on Sunday. I ended up leaving town around 11 and made it to work by 3. If I hadn’t timed things the way I had, I would have been late for work… damn Orlando traffic again!
But fear not, Next week is VNV Nation and I will be going back to Tampa. I called up the Motel again and already have my room booked. In fact I think I will be getting the same room hahaha.

So yeah, hope you enjoyed my pictures.
Love you all.

Well, well, well..

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 22:37:08 GMT

I made it back safe from tampa.

Got alot accomplished...
Had my interview
Searched for apartments
Found new places around the city
Decided i cant wait to move down there.
Saw some friends

The water was so beautiful, the breeze was wonderful, and the sky was so blue. Made me think of Hawaii to an extent.

I am glad to be home though. I missed my kitty and i missed my things. Hotels are only so nice. Just waiting for the day i get to move my things down there =)

20 minutes of bliss

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 02:52:19 GMT

Well tonight i just spent the last 20 minutes talking with the one i adore...

We talked about me possibly moving down south.
Future trips that i plan on making.
How much we missed each other.
How yes... he actually listens to me... because he thinks im interesting =)
About my trip to the crack house last night with my friend ( we had to get her stuff out asap )
Making sure that i was feeling better.
And many other things...

Best 20 minutes ive had in 2 weeks!
Kendall is a happy girl.

getting there

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 01:49:00 GMT

Well today i awoke to a wonderful message from the one person i like to start my day off with...

we exchanged messages for the next few hours non stop!
Made for a very happy Kendall.
I'm getting so excited about next weekend! I get to see him, some other friends, and hopefully start getting familiar with the area. =D

I have my hotel booked for the 23rd thru the 25th of this month. and the 6th thru the 8th of april for VNV.
Now i just have to make sure i can afford it all hehehe. Good thing i got my bonus a week ago.

Well thats all for me!

~K~

Torn once again

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 04:20:02 GMT

Well lets see. where do i even begin. i have fallen for a guy. a very nice guy. but i am starting to have my doubts. he lives in tampa and i live here. normally we talk everyday. i would hear from him first thing in the morning. and our conversation would go on through the day. the last week or so i have not been getting any messges from him . no communication. nothing. he sent me a message say the was sorry and that work was crazy busy. i can understand that. but im starting to wonder if the fact that we cant see each other every day... or even every other day if i am starting to lose him. i got a few messages from him today wishing me a happy valentines day, it totally made my day since ive been sick in bed all day with a fever of 103. but i am starting to wonder if i have given my heart only for it to be broke again. i told him i am going to see him in 2 weeks, and he didnt seem as excited as he normally does. maybe he was in a bad mood or i dont know what. maybe im just paranoid. i will just have to see how things go on my next visit. wish me luck!

its been awhile

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 02:41:29 GMT

well im sorry to everyone that i havent updated in a while... my life has been pretty busy recently.

work is good...busy... but good
relationship wise... i am head over heals for a certain someone... sadly he doesnt live in jax.
and as for everything else... well its just going.

ill try to send more love on here again...missing you all!

~Kendall

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 02:27:58 GMT

Zack came to see me tonight. I love him.

the end.

Halloween

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 19:38:07 GMT

So Halloween was a lot of fun.

The night started out as a wonderful time. I met Rachel and Black at their house to get ready for picture time at the Cummer. Alec, John, Kat, Brandi were also there. We all made the short drive to the museum dressed in our Halloween best. After about 30 minutes, Black took Rachel outside into the Atrium and proposed to her. It was so beautiful!

Then we all went back to their house to have a party! Shortly after i ended up getting a fever. 102 was after a few aspirin. I went home and crashed before midnight. I felt bad that i had to leave the party, but i knew everyone would understand.

Woke up today feeling a little better. Got up a noon instead of 3-5pm daily. I dont have to return to work until Nov 6th. I will take advantage of my sleeping in time. =)

Other than that nothing much is happening in my world. I have found a guy that interests me, but im not sure if
a. it is a good idea since we work together
b. if he would just be a better friend.
c. if he even likes me back (i think he does tho)

Well i hope to see everyone soon!

And they all looked at the girl in the mirror

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 03:18:40 GMT

well i have some new pictures which i very much so love =)

So whats been going on!

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 03:26:14 GMT

It seems like forever since i was last on here.

Ive gone back to work, and seem to be doing okay. I have a work party tomorrow... so im gona get dressed up for that. Ill end up at Eclipse a little later in the evening. Romell is doing my hair too... looking forward to having one hair color again.

Yesterday was ine month since my grandmother passed away. It was hard.

Other than that not too much happening. Just busy enough to keep myself occupied.

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 22:21:50 GMT

I just had the best two days Ive had in a long time. My Cousin Denis from Ohio came down a few days ago. Tuesday night we went out and played some pool. Then we went up to Fuel Coffee house and had some drinks. It was the first time Ive ever gotten to just hang out with him and really get to know who he has become. It was unbelievable. After many drinks we ended up staying up til 4am and making ham and cheese sandwiches just talking non stop. Great night.
Then Last night we started drinking early. Played about 4 different beer drinking games and just got totally drunk. It was the first time Ive been really drunk in awhile. Cassie came over to play with us too. So after we had gone thru over a case or two of beer, we all went swimming and got in the hot tub. Very relaxing. Finally around 3:30am we went inside. Cassie crashed, and me and my cousin made more ham and cheese sandwiches and stayed up past 4am just talking some more. It was just nice to have someone like him to talk to. I love my cousin so much, I just dont ever get to see him.
He told me I better get up there to see him soon... so I guess im going on a road trip sometime soon =)

Its about time I had two wonderful days in a row!

Family and Friends Gathering

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 18:49:29 GMT

We are having a gathering on Tuesday (tomorrow) for Grandma. It wil be at my mothers house from 12pm to 7pm... maybe longer. We are going to celebrate her life, the way she would have wanted. Dress wll be beach/pool/bbq atire...If you would like to attend, please call my cell for directions. (349-3419) Hope to see you there...

Which end is up

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 18:46:03 GMT

Today i feel strange. Im not exactly sure why, but something keeps pulling at my heart. Im sure alot of it has to do with grandma being gone, and that wont change.

But last night did something to me.

Me and Matt and Star have all made amends. After so many deaths, i think that we all came to the conclusion that life is too short to be messing around over stupid shit.

We all went to Fuel and saw the Sick of it All show. Then after wards we hung out with the band and partied with them til after 3am. Very nice guys. They wont ever forget me either. My fear of spoons came up, and they just loved that to no end. They said i might even get a song about it (dont worry, im not holding my breath) lol.

I also got to see Scott for the first time in awhile. It was very weird. And i think that is what might be bothering me. He and his Ex- girfriend, they have a kid together. No problem there, but after all that ive heard him say about how much he hates her, and then watch her all over him last night, i think it hurt a little. Now i know that we werent dating or anything, but it still sucks. I dont know what going on with him and his x/current gf right now. They say they arent dating... but who knows... o well... story closed.

At least he told Matt that he considers me to be one of his best friends. =) i think that will last alot longer.

Im also getting my hair done today. Romell is coming in on his day off... just for me... i love ya! thanks so much.

that is all for now...

<3
K

Heaven couldnt wait any longer

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 19:32:01 GMT

Today at 1:21 pm, my grandmother passed away. She let a single tear fall down her check, and with it she took her last breath.

I love her more than words can say.... and she knows that.

I would like to share with you all her favorite song, and a song that has helped us all through these hard times....

~I Have a Dream~

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

Grandma, I love you.

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 16:39:53 GMT

Well yesterday threw me for a loop. around 6pm i was a work when all of a sudden my mom pulled me outa the office and took me home. She said grandma was not dead yet, but was very very close. We rushed home and i sat by her bed, crying...more then i ever have in my life. I curled up in bed with her just listening to her heart beat. Evenutally i tore myself away and gathered myself. I had also called a few friends to let them know that this was the time to stop by, if they wanted to. My best friend Cassie came over around 730pm. I called Matt and Star, they were close with grandma, but here it is, 1230 the next day, after they said they would come over. And they havent even called. O well there are bigger issues at hand.

We were all hoping that she would pass away last night, instead she slipped into a coma. All she can do is lie there. She doesnt eat, talk or move. The said that she saw my Great Uncle Johnny who had passed away a few months before. So we know that she is in the presence of angels. We even got then on film. Its the most amazing sight i have ever seen. Sitting in an all dark room with no light. And to see two large angel wings sitting to her right. It still takes my breath away.

Right now we are all just taking turns sitting with her. holding her hands. Waiting for her to make her journey to heaven.

Thank you to Mom, Aunt Cathy, my sister Nicole, my cousin Danielle, My uncle Mark, Joan, Cecila, Kerick, Julie, My Great Aunt Nena, My second cousin Mimi, my moms boyfriend Steve, and My best friend Cassie. Even if grandma doesnt remember seeing any of us, we know that we are in her heart for ever.

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 16:24:20 GMT

grandma is not expected to make it to Friday...

When will it be over?

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 21:25:14 GMT

Today I found out that my grandma has internal bleeding. The doctos said that she could pass away any day now. We were going to do a blood transfusion to help her, but she doesnt want it. It would only be a temporary fix anyways. Those that know me, know that I am not religious in any way... but please pray for my grandma. Keep her in your thoughts.

Also my friends lost their good friend last night as well, so please pray for them and their lost friend.

And finally, Scott and his daughter are still in the hospital, they should get to go home soon, so keep good thoughts and prayers for them as well.

Im tired of so much death and pain. Please just someone make it all go away. Im tired. Im hurt. And so many wonderful people are going through a hard time right now.

I love you all and hope that nothing but good things come your way. I love my grandmother more than I can even begin to explain. Please pray for her.

Thank you to everyone
Kendall

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 02:23:19 GMT

grandma is in more pain then i can stand. it makes me so sad to think of her lying in bed slowly dying. i called her today to tell her i love her. i will get to see her tomorrow. but everyday may be her last. friday night my moms house was visited by death. we saw it fly out of grandmas room followed by little white lights. ill go into to this more in depth later. i just hope soon she will be better. and happy

Death is among us

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 18:37:45 GMT

When i have more time...hopefully tonight i am going to give an interesting update on my grandmother...

Also i want to tell everyone about a show that is coming up Nov 4th at Fuel. Some good bands are going to be playing up there that everyone must go see!!!!!
Its called the After Death Ball... there will be celebrity appearances, costume contest (dress up like your favorite dead person) and lots of cheap beer! So you better go! Well i have to get back to work. Hope to update more later tonight.

Love and miss you all
Kendall

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 19:27:03 GMT

well right now all is well in the world of Kendall. I am going up to the club tonight. I am also bringing my crazy aunt... so watch out... shes a trip!

Well lets see here

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 19:50:43 GMT

Today has been such a slow day. I'm bored as hell and it sucks. Right now I'm sitting at my moms house waiting.... for what I'm not sure... but most likely a phone call.

The last four days my lap top has been at Scott's house so that I can help them get their music off the ground. Now that I have an Apple with all the cool programs on it, Scott has been in heaven using all the tools. He's come up with some really good shit. Look for him to be playing at Fuel Coffee House sometime in October.

I finally got to get online today for the first time in awhile. I checked my messages on myspace and I see that there is a message in French from Star's sister. She told me that she doesnt consider me and friend and that I am weak and fake. What the fuck! I havent done shit to her! And last I knew me and Matt had been talking again and things were going good. Well better. But I guess not. I dont know... I'm just so confused on everything right now. I messaged Star online to say hi... nothing... I called matt and sent him a text.... nothing. I'm so close to giving up but I know that things will work out... I hope. We are all supposed to go out to Eclipse tonight, but now I'm not so sure. Also at some point I need to get my laptop back from Scott... still cant get ahold of him.

Last night was exciting and boring. I got out of work early Friday... and still got paid til 7 =). Went over to Scott's and hung out for a little. Ended up having a very good time =) until about 930pm. He hadnt slept in a few days and crashed. So I went home. Called Matt and he said that he would give me a call when he was ready to get together. Well that never happened. So I sat on my couch all night from 9:30-1:00a1 just waiting. I felt like a loser. But I guess I wont know what happened until I talk to them....if they ever answer their phone.

Also I am about to buy my SHE WANTS REVENGE tickets and my KMFDM tickets. I'm very excited about theses shows. Also I am going to to be getting my Halloween Horror Night tickets soon. I just need to wait until sept 7 when my credit card resets hehehe. So I guess I've got some good things coming up and will just have to see how everything pans out.

Also I think that my phone might be broken.... I dont know yet... still testing it.

Rollercoaster anyone?

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 22:33:28 GMT

So yesterday was a day that started our good, went crappy, and ended really good. =)

Saturday I woke up and decided to go shopping. I had a $50.00 visa gift card, so I was like today is the day. I woke up around 3pm after having stayed up til 4am at Scott's house the night before. Decided to go over to moms house and then we took off for Tuesday Mornings. One of my favorite stores. There I bought a very cute pajama set. Black and red 3 piece (long pajama bottoms, cute little undies, and a tank top). I also bought a belt and scarf hanger. Then I went to Winn Dixie and bought some black hair dye since it didn't stay in my hair long when Romell did it. Went back to moms house and dyed my hair black and decided I still wanted to spend some more money. =)
Went to Walmart, the first time since its become a super center, and got lost! I was looking for more PJ pants, movies, and other stuff. I walked away with Lord of War, a movie Scott said was to die for. I plan on watching it with him very soon, and a very cute black skirt. Then I went to Target. At target I bought Jarhead, another movie recommended by Scott, long black PJ bottoms, and some black shorts to work out in. I was finally ready to stop spending money.

By this time I had had a few tiffs with Matt, so I wasn't sure what I was going to do for the rest of the night. Scott was in the movie theater, and Molly was busy also! So I called up Cassie around 1130, and decided to meet her up at Eclipse. I called Romell to see if he was in town and going to the club. Turns out he was in Orlando for a hair show. He also told me that I am going to be his ginny pig to see which black hair dye will last longest in my hair. So since these are for testing purposes, its all going to be free. Thank you so much Romell.... you are the best!
This was the first time I had been to Eclipse in quite a while. I was so excited to finally make it up there again and see everyone. Right away I ran into John. He was on his way out tho =(. Then i ran into Adam! we went inside where i ran into Moe. Got a nice bug hug from him and made my way further into the club. Next i ran into Black. The best part was getting to see Alex. I hadn't seen Alex in so long. And now that I don't work with him anymore, I have really missed him. When he saw me walking towards the DJ booth he threw his arms up and was so excited to see me. Deff made my night. Then I ran into Tim on the dance floor and got such a wonderful hug! =)

After I had caught up with everyone I decided to dance, dance, dance. I danced my ass off. By the time I was tired it did no good. I couldn't stop dancing. I was waiting for Alex to play a bad song so I could rest but he wouldn't! hehehehe man did I get my work out. I've missed that place so much.
So the entire time I am up there I am talking to Matt and Scott through text messages. Matt was at Fuel and Scott was at some bar in Orange Park. While I was on the phone with Matt, I ran into Mr. Jack Ringca. Another wonderful surprise. I picked a wonderful night to go out to the club. =) Around 230am I got a message from Scott telling me he was home and it was cool for me to swing by. So Jack walked me to my car, like a wonderful gentleman, and we said our good byes. I made my way to Scott's at 245. He wanted me to pick up some cigs for him since he was drunk and couldn't drive. I had one hell of a time trying to find an open gas station near his house. Finally I found one and got to Scott's around 3am. Hung out there and had a great time. Watched tv, smoked, and well.... you know =). Went home around 5am and crashed by 530. So a great end to my day.

Tonight is the last episode of Entourage for this season. Hopefully Scott will have me over to watch it since I don't have HBO and he is addicted to it like I am. But we will see. Also I should be getting together with Matt and Star today, but that's still up in the air as well.

Things could always be worse.... so at least I'm trying to find the bright side of things =)

what the fuck happened!

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 02:14:44 GMT

well tonight my world has crashed down on me.

Matt and Star are mad at me. Which may not seem like a big deal but to me it is huge. Yesterday we all found out Scott is now a father again. I dont know all the details but he is going through a hard time. I called Scott today to see if he wanted any company or what not. Matt and Star were at his house and got mad because i didnt call them first. I was like what the hell. Thats not it at all.... plus i had called them 2 seconds after i left scott a message. What does it matter who i call first. Well i finally told Matt that i dont like him giving me a hard time right now, and that im about to have an emotional break down. He said he wouldnt change and if i cant handle it too bad. I couldnt help but cry.

Also star is still not talking to me. She is still upset because i lied about my relationship with Scott. I know for a fact along with several other people who are my witness that she was the first person i told. I couldnt keep anything from her. She is my best friend.... right? Well since she wont talk to me, im not sure where we stand. Im just so confused, hurt, and lost. I dont know where i stand or what will happen next. My best friends are upset with me... or with life... or with something.... but im getting the front of the storm.

Also, we have lost almost all hope for my grandma... she has been sent home now to die. I know that sounds awful but i dont know how to sugar coat it. They said that she is going to be the first person in 25 years where they can not cure her bladder cancer. You know that when the doctor cries and tell you hes sorry, then there isnt much hope left. So now we just try to make her as comfortable as possible and hope for the best. Please send your thoughts.

So tonight i sit here all alone... thinking

about life, friends, family, and hope.

What is going to happen. Do we ever really have any control?

Matt and Star if you read this, i love you. I hope that you can both find it in your heart to forgive me and that we can put all this past us. We have so many good times ahead i would hate to see them all lost just because of stupid shit.
Scott.... im sorry that things have worked out like this... i know that you will overcome all the odds and find a way through this... just know that i will be here for u no matter what you need.
Grandma... what isnt there that i cant say wonderful about you. I just hope that one day people all over the world will realize how wonderful of a person you truly are. You have touched so many lives, and there are so many more that are still waiting to meet you.

And to end all this... some photos.

So much has happened

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 21:04:02 GMT

so little time to tell it all.

will update soon. i promise.